Ultimate - too good---Son,Father,Mother and one Robot

Do-read it......................Do-read it......................
Kyle's Dad brought home a robot one day.
The robot had the ability to detect lies and would slap the person wholied. Kyle returned late from school
Dad asked, Son why are you late from school?
Dad, we had extra classes today, the robot slapped Kyle on his face.
Dad shouted, "come on tell me the truth, why are you late?"
Dad, I went to see the movie Ten Commandments,Kyle got another slap from the robot.
Sorry dad, I went to see the movie "Red HotQueen".
"Shame on you son, when I was your age, I never watched obscene moviesormisbehaved",........ immediately, he gets a hot slap on the face fromtherobot.
Kyle's mom comes walking out of the kitchen and says to her husband..."After all, he's your son!"The robot steps up and slaps Kyle's mom

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Titanic in Bollywood

* Madhuri has to be Rose and who else but Shahrukh as JJJJJ JJJ Jack.Madhuri's fiance would be Gulshan Grover who mutters "bad man" everytime he sees Shahrukh. * Amitabh Bacchan would make a guest appearance as the Ship's captain and would be waltzing with Madhuri during the party. Of course, he would not die. * Shahrukh will be travelling with his sister and 5 other chamchas from college plus 50 extras who are well trained with every dance sequence in the world. * The movie would only last for 7 hours. Thanks to great piece of editing,there would be only 22 songs in the movie out of 30 in CD album. * The ship would be overflowing with extras whom you normally find in movies that have a court scene full of people or a slum full of aam-janta. The ship will start sinking, not because of the iceberg but because of excessive on-board population. * The infamous lovemaking in the back seat of the car would be replaced with a song in the Swiss Alps. * Best friend of Shahrukh will save his sister from being raped during chaos.The sister will instantly fall in love right after this and she will also get a song or two. * Remember Rose changing her mind about jumping into the water? In our case,Madhuri changes her mind, since...since... the ship is moving along a creek and the water stinks! * How can we forget the painting scene? Shahrukh would be painting Madhuri's portrait with Madhuri fully covered minus the locket (Censors yaar!). This is to be followed by a dance number, with extras of course, in a art gallery. * Shahrukh would eventually find his long lost mom Aasoo Devi on the ship.Only during the climax would Aasoo Devi tell Shahrukh about how Gulshan troubled them. Shahrukh would then yell, "Kutte mein tera khoon peejaaoonga". The ensuing fight would only last for an hour. * There would be an antakshari for the "drowners" conducted by Annu Kapoor instead of the trio playing the violin. * Most important!! The number of times the word "Bachaoooo" would be yelled would be a record in the history of cinema.And the masterpiece would be waste of time...ooops waste of money without... * "Raaaabert...Captain se ja ke kaho ke agar apni maa or bahen ko zinda dekhnachahte ho to naav ko Hindustaan kee sarhado se hamesha hamesha ke liye bahoootdoor le le."

KBC Cracking Jokes

Since Amitabh Bachchan's contract for Kaun Banega Crorepati is going to expire soon, here are a few persons who could audition for the show.

Nana Patekar: Jaldi se jawab bol. Sahi jawab tere ko lakhpati bana dalega.Galat jawab tere ko hijda bana dega.
Shatrughan Sinha: Khamosh! Bihari babu ke saamne zaban chalata hai. Tera cheque phaad ke phek doonga.
Dharmendra: Galat jawab ! Kutte Kameene, main tera khoon pee jaoonga.
Amrish Puri: Sahi jawab ! Mogambo khush hua !
Amjad Khan: Kitne options the? Chaar ! Soover ke bachchon ! Chaar chaar options ! Bahut nainsaafi hai ! Dhish-keoin Dhish-keoin ! 50-50 kar ke do galat jawab main uda diye. Ab bol, tera kya hoga kaaliya?
Sanjay Dutt: Aye item log, kaye ko udhar khada hai? Idhar aake mere pass baith jaa. Kya be chikne - tere ko aata hai to bol dal varna main tere ko idhar-eech phod dalega.
Raj Kumar: Jaani, huuum, hhhuuuum hote to apne dost ko phone kar ke sawaal pooch lete.
Jagdeep: Bole to Soorma Bhopali - meri jeb ho gayi khaali. Mere pass to koi cheque nahin hain. Arre mujhko jaane do.
Mithun Chakraborty: Eeyaeech ! Tu audience poll karega ? Aye, yahan ke public ke paas time nahin hai. Kya nahin hai? Time nahin hai.
Kesto Mukherji: Hee-heek. Hee-yaik. Apne ko sab kuch do-do dikh rahela hai.Hee-heek. Yeh aath options kidhar se aa gaye? Hee-yok. Apne ko bahut chad gayeli hai.
Ashok Kumar: To abhi aapne yeh dekha ( wheeze ), ki yahan se Delhi ke Ramesh Kumar ( gasp), yahan se Rs 20,000 leke chale gaye. ( groan ). Kal aur dus logon ko leke phir milenge Hum Log (croak ).

Sardarji’s Mom’s Letter

Dear BantaVahe Guru !
I am in a well here and hoping you are in the same well there. I’m writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.
We don’t live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20 miles.
I wont be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to bring our earlier address plate here, so that our address will remain same too.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the commode. I’m not sure it works. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven’t seen them since.
The weather here isn’t too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.
The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.
Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery.
By the way I took Bahu to our club’s poolside. The manager is really badmash. He told her that two-piece swimming suit is not allowed in this club. We were confused as to which piece should we remove?
Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven’t found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don’t know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.
Your uncle, Jetinder fell in a nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.
Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfill his father’s last wishes. His father had wished to be buried at sea after he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father.
There isn’t much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.
P.S: Beta, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already sealed off this letter